Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
