Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
