Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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