Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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