The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
