So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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