a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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