And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
