Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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