so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
