ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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