I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she woke up with a sticky ear
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize