or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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