Welp...herpes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
