i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
