Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
