Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
