Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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