can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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