so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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