Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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