I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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