do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
