if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
sarcasm needs its own font
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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