How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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