i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize