She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my being single is dangerous.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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