You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
