you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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