i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
