It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can i not drive my cunt home
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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