I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wear drunk well.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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