If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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