We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
