i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
