i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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