I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
