you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize