Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
