also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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