Banned from zoo.
Again?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
