I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
