A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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