I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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