We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize