I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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