UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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