the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
