What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
