I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
