i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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