I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
