Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
