Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
