Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
