i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How external is "for external use only"?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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