It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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