I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
