we have pet lesbian snakes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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