Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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