we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
