and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He uses pillows to masturbate.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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