he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
