Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
