White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
