Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
